Here's my pics for this years tourney. Barry Jole's will be up soon after he stops being depressed that Dayton got no love with an eleven seed. Just go to this link to view.
Best Bud’s
16 years ago
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Gee Chuck, The Date Started Out Great, but Just Before We Got to The Party, She Seemed to Tense Up
I'll preface this post with this: A couple of my friends (Steve Dixx included) and I have an inside joke that occurred over my birthday weekend of last year. In the middle of a real conversation a slightly lushed out Steve asked to the crowd in a perfect southern accent, "You ever been wit' a man?". Needless to say, those of us around him were quite amused and the months since have been sprinkled with texts and phone calls first initiated with a "You ever been with a man" quote. I'll never say it again and I'll never laugh at it again.... EVER
I was having a tough time at work today as per usual, but then things really seemed to turn in my favor....
I am a sales rep for a brand new direct marketing company in the area. My objective each day is to stop in and introduce my product to as many local business owners as I can in the hopes of them paying me to have their advertisement on my piece. And when I say "my piece", I mean the multi-advertiser direct marketing piece, not my genitalia. Unfortunately, I think one gentleman I stopped in to talk to today got the wrong impression.
I was going about business as usual, getting turned down more than Steve Urkel, when I stopped in on one particular business and was received with open arms. After introducing myself to the manager and giving my very brief sales pitch, I was invited back to his desk which was in the back of this man's retail shop. We chatted, I asked him how business was, and he got into what makes his business special. The whole time alluding to the fact that my product was great and innovative... basically talking me up like he was a 7th grade girl who just got introduced to the most bodacious of the Jonas Brothers.
He eventually got so excited about my presence that he could no longer contain himself, I almost thought he was going to tear off his shirt and his 7 pieces of gold plated jewelry. Being a salesman, I walked to the rear of the store feigning interest in his ramblings about track lighting and its importance in a home. He then was interested in showing me just how each different bulb illuminated my hand against a wall, something I could hardly notice. However, I pretended to be blown away in true salesman form. That is of course until he insisted on showing me exactly where to place my hand.
As I held my hand up against the wall my man man leaned in and reached his up as well. Meanwhile, his opposite hand grazed my... ahem, uh... cough... uh.. you know what. One time thing, no big deal. He was older, shit like that happens I told myself.
Until it happened again.
This time he was showing me a different lighting. I looked down after it happened to notice he was holding a stack of Post-it (trademark) notes. THANK GOD I thought. I knew that couldn't be his hand grazing my man meat.
On we went examining the beauty of different forms of light streaming from above. Twice more the sticky notes bumped into me... "clumsy asshole" crossed my mind. Finally I got tired of it so I walked away and pretended to look at a different light where there was more room for us to maneuver without that damn paper touching my frank. Same routine of me putting my hand up against the light only this time I happened to peek down as I reached. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I caught a glimpse of backhand just as it came to rest up against my tally whacker. "I can't believe this... this dude is copping a feel on me," I said to myself. Being an unsuccessful salesman and seeing as he had shown interest in the advertising before stroking my cock, I tried to convince myself it wasn't happening, but it was. It happened once more and I called it quits. I told him I had a phone conference I had to take and bolted out of there like Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez had once shown me how.
As I tried to cope with what had just occurred I thought to call my father and see if it helped me move on in my life. It didn't. All he told me was to go have a stiff drink and a smoke. "I didn't just get laid by a Playboy bunny dad, I just had some creep try to jerk me off in a fucking lamp store."
Needless to say the rest of my day was shot and I'm pretty sure I won't ever be able to walk into a business again. I guess on the bright side there can never be any doubt in anyone's mind as to whether or not I'm gay-- otherwise I woulda taken him up on the offer.
On the other hand, he did offer to take me to lunch sometime as I walked out. Hmm.....
I was having a tough time at work today as per usual, but then things really seemed to turn in my favor....
I am a sales rep for a brand new direct marketing company in the area. My objective each day is to stop in and introduce my product to as many local business owners as I can in the hopes of them paying me to have their advertisement on my piece. And when I say "my piece", I mean the multi-advertiser direct marketing piece, not my genitalia. Unfortunately, I think one gentleman I stopped in to talk to today got the wrong impression.
I was going about business as usual, getting turned down more than Steve Urkel, when I stopped in on one particular business and was received with open arms. After introducing myself to the manager and giving my very brief sales pitch, I was invited back to his desk which was in the back of this man's retail shop. We chatted, I asked him how business was, and he got into what makes his business special. The whole time alluding to the fact that my product was great and innovative... basically talking me up like he was a 7th grade girl who just got introduced to the most bodacious of the Jonas Brothers.
He eventually got so excited about my presence that he could no longer contain himself, I almost thought he was going to tear off his shirt and his 7 pieces of gold plated jewelry. Being a salesman, I walked to the rear of the store feigning interest in his ramblings about track lighting and its importance in a home. He then was interested in showing me just how each different bulb illuminated my hand against a wall, something I could hardly notice. However, I pretended to be blown away in true salesman form. That is of course until he insisted on showing me exactly where to place my hand.
As I held my hand up against the wall my man man leaned in and reached his up as well. Meanwhile, his opposite hand grazed my... ahem, uh... cough... uh.. you know what. One time thing, no big deal. He was older, shit like that happens I told myself.
Until it happened again.
This time he was showing me a different lighting. I looked down after it happened to notice he was holding a stack of Post-it (trademark) notes. THANK GOD I thought. I knew that couldn't be his hand grazing my man meat.
On we went examining the beauty of different forms of light streaming from above. Twice more the sticky notes bumped into me... "clumsy asshole" crossed my mind. Finally I got tired of it so I walked away and pretended to look at a different light where there was more room for us to maneuver without that damn paper touching my frank. Same routine of me putting my hand up against the light only this time I happened to peek down as I reached. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
I caught a glimpse of backhand just as it came to rest up against my tally whacker. "I can't believe this... this dude is copping a feel on me," I said to myself. Being an unsuccessful salesman and seeing as he had shown interest in the advertising before stroking my cock, I tried to convince myself it wasn't happening, but it was. It happened once more and I called it quits. I told him I had a phone conference I had to take and bolted out of there like Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez had once shown me how.
As I tried to cope with what had just occurred I thought to call my father and see if it helped me move on in my life. It didn't. All he told me was to go have a stiff drink and a smoke. "I didn't just get laid by a Playboy bunny dad, I just had some creep try to jerk me off in a fucking lamp store."
Needless to say the rest of my day was shot and I'm pretty sure I won't ever be able to walk into a business again. I guess on the bright side there can never be any doubt in anyone's mind as to whether or not I'm gay-- otherwise I woulda taken him up on the offer.
On the other hand, he did offer to take me to lunch sometime as I walked out. Hmm.....
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Few Randon McNuggets
I was sitting around after work today pounding some ridiculously divine Peruvian chicken from a local slop house and I was pondering the following, "Man, I wonder why everything we eat has to have a dipping sauce?". I mean honestly think about it, is there much that we eat that doesn't have something we all know we can live without? Why is ranch dressing the epitome of every obese persons dream vegetable appetizer?
I mustn't confuse you with this ramble, I am certainly not the healthiest of eaters. In fact, I've had french fries twice in two days. Double in fact, I've fricken loved every bite of them. I'm just saying there is a point in time where you wonder if adding 100 calories to every bite of cucumber eaten needs to be slightly strapped down. Of all the vices in our world today, you'd think that grabbing the mayonnaise out of the "White, nasty shit that makes you fat" isle at Whole Foods would be one of the easier to fix. I could be wrong, but I bet my man Lebron James doesn't hire a personal nutritionist who allows him to load up on that stuff before a game.
Next point- similar subject- I always try to avoid white condiments as a general rule of thumb. Does anyone else get scared by these things? Now, many of you may say that is my homophobic side coming out (of the closet), but I assure you, I have no fear of the GLT community and little or no fear of things that remind me of my own semen. Shit just freaks me out, like how did they get it to be that color? That's not right. Even vanilla ice cream and frosting scares me. Ever seen a vanilla bean??? IT IS BLACK!!! WTF mate?
On a sadder note, I started a new job a couple of weeks ago... not as sweet as I thought. There's a part of me that thinks, "boy, if I had just convinced my dad I needed that extra year of college to grow into a successful adult", I could be drunk in a ditch somewhere right now. Wouldn't that be sweet? Seriously though, while I was looking for a job I was getting a little stir crazy just sitting around my apartment all day, but now that the weather is breaking I'm wondering if I should file for unemployment and test out my sea legs in Charleston with Steve. Honestly, I wasn't really living that badly while unemployed. I was still bringing in some bling bling from my old job and I got to play a lot of old XBox games. I even went to the Smithsonian Museum of American History and didn't eat fast food once. That's right, I avoided straying from my gluten free diet even though it woulda been sweet to pound a double cheeseburger and worth three days of the Screaming Meanies.
Anyway, that's all I got for right now. Plus, it's getting late and I'm sure Pornhub has been updated since last night. Until next time.....
I mustn't confuse you with this ramble, I am certainly not the healthiest of eaters. In fact, I've had french fries twice in two days. Double in fact, I've fricken loved every bite of them. I'm just saying there is a point in time where you wonder if adding 100 calories to every bite of cucumber eaten needs to be slightly strapped down. Of all the vices in our world today, you'd think that grabbing the mayonnaise out of the "White, nasty shit that makes you fat" isle at Whole Foods would be one of the easier to fix. I could be wrong, but I bet my man Lebron James doesn't hire a personal nutritionist who allows him to load up on that stuff before a game.
Next point- similar subject- I always try to avoid white condiments as a general rule of thumb. Does anyone else get scared by these things? Now, many of you may say that is my homophobic side coming out (of the closet), but I assure you, I have no fear of the GLT community and little or no fear of things that remind me of my own semen. Shit just freaks me out, like how did they get it to be that color? That's not right. Even vanilla ice cream and frosting scares me. Ever seen a vanilla bean??? IT IS BLACK!!! WTF mate?
On a sadder note, I started a new job a couple of weeks ago... not as sweet as I thought. There's a part of me that thinks, "boy, if I had just convinced my dad I needed that extra year of college to grow into a successful adult", I could be drunk in a ditch somewhere right now. Wouldn't that be sweet? Seriously though, while I was looking for a job I was getting a little stir crazy just sitting around my apartment all day, but now that the weather is breaking I'm wondering if I should file for unemployment and test out my sea legs in Charleston with Steve. Honestly, I wasn't really living that badly while unemployed. I was still bringing in some bling bling from my old job and I got to play a lot of old XBox games. I even went to the Smithsonian Museum of American History and didn't eat fast food once. That's right, I avoided straying from my gluten free diet even though it woulda been sweet to pound a double cheeseburger and worth three days of the Screaming Meanies.
Anyway, that's all I got for right now. Plus, it's getting late and I'm sure Pornhub has been updated since last night. Until next time.....
NCAA Conference Tourney Picks
Hello this is Steve Dixx checking in. I am Barry's good friend from Dayton, Ohio. I just graduated from the University of Kentucky, and recently just moved down to beautiful Charleston, South Carolina. We both thought it would be a good idea to post about various topics such as sports, our personal golf games, and more importantly being a complete lush.(don't worry if you don't fully understand what a lush is, you soon will) Please understand that I have no English, or Journalism background, like Jole.(Im an Economics dude) His posts will be much more fluid, and well written, but I feel like I have some humorous and interesting input.
Here are my NCAA Conference Tourney Picks as well as Barry Jole's picks. We certainly are not as intelligent as analysts Jay Bilas, or Pat Forde, but we follow college basketball very closely, and feel that our picks are somewhat informed. While Jole's Dayton Flyer's are going to be dancing in the NCAA tourney, it looks as if my Cincy Bearcats, and Kentucky Wildcats, will be punching their tickets to the NIT.(Unless some miraculous runs in their respective tourneys, which is much more likely for U.K. because the SEC is not nearly as deep or talented as the Big East) By the way the last time both Cincinnati and Kentucky missed the NCAA field in the same year I was only 5 years old. (1990)
Also we are just picking the power conference winners, and the A10 for Jole's preference.
Barry Jole's Picks
ACC Champ: (UNC) Runner Up: (Duke) Dark Horse: (NC State)
Big 10 Champ: (MSU) Runner Up: (PSU) also picked as his dark horse.
Pac 10 Champ: (UCLA) Runner Up: (ASU) Dark Horse: (ASU)
SEC Champ : (Florida) Runner Up: (LSU) Dark Horse: (Auburn)
Big East Champ: (Louisville) Runner Up: (Pitt) Dark Horse: (NOVA)
Atlantic 10 Champ: (Xavier) Runner Up:(Dayton) Dark Horse: (St. Joe's)
Big 12 Champ: (Kansas) Runner Up: (Oklahoma) Dark Horse: (Ok. State)
Steve Dixx's Pixx
ACC Champ: (UNC) Runner Up: (Duke) Dark Horse: (FSU)
Big 10 Champ: (MSU) Runner Up: (Purdue) Dark Horse: (Penn St.)
Pac 10 Champ: (Washington) Runner Up: (Cal) Dark Horse: (Arizona)
SEC Champ: (LSU) Runner Up: (Tennessee) Dark Horse: (Auburn)
Big East Champ: (Louisville) Runner Up: (Pitt) Dark Horse: (Villanova)
Atlantic 10 Champ: (Xavier) Runner Up: (Dayton) Dark Horse: (Temple)
Big 12 Champ : (Oklahoma) Runner Up: (Kansas) Dark Horse: (Ok. State)
Fresh Start
I remember when I thought it would be cool to start a blog back in college (read, I could score with chicks) so I tried it out. I kept up with it for about two weeks, then shut it down because there was a chick who actually thought I was cool without even knowing about the blog. "A buddy o' mine" from high school has been very persistant about me returning to the glory of the blogosphere. I really think it's just because he is incredibly bored and wants to write on this himself.
My goal with the blog is to get some personal enjoyment, share some totally inside jokes with the four people that will read this, and to express some opinions when I feel it is necessary.
So to spare you from the cliche jargon of every failed college basketball player that thinks they are somehow as funny or as smart as Mark "The Shark" Titus, I won't be trying to impress you with links to the funniest youtube videos. I will, however, write some things that may be funny to you, or they might just be funny to me. I might write about the Yankees, or some sports team, I may just write about how TRUE the recent turn in the weather has me.
I may post regularly, I may not. My buddy wants me to put a lot of basketball picks on here, and while I'm not really sure who would care about my opinions, I'm certainly no Clark Kellogg. I'll probably allow him that much, if not for our own sanity I'm not sure what else. Plus, he seems to be on a serious run of picking winners (a subject I'll tackle in a humorous post very soon) so I'll most likely let him do most of the posting there.
In the near future look for stories involving our NCAA tourney picks, our trip to Augusta, Georgia for the Masters and much more. Oh, and expect to see some form of the word "lush" in just about every post.
Here's to one more try at this before I give up.....
My goal with the blog is to get some personal enjoyment, share some totally inside jokes with the four people that will read this, and to express some opinions when I feel it is necessary.
So to spare you from the cliche jargon of every failed college basketball player that thinks they are somehow as funny or as smart as Mark "The Shark" Titus, I won't be trying to impress you with links to the funniest youtube videos. I will, however, write some things that may be funny to you, or they might just be funny to me. I might write about the Yankees, or some sports team, I may just write about how TRUE the recent turn in the weather has me.
I may post regularly, I may not. My buddy wants me to put a lot of basketball picks on here, and while I'm not really sure who would care about my opinions, I'm certainly no Clark Kellogg. I'll probably allow him that much, if not for our own sanity I'm not sure what else. Plus, he seems to be on a serious run of picking winners (a subject I'll tackle in a humorous post very soon) so I'll most likely let him do most of the posting there.
In the near future look for stories involving our NCAA tourney picks, our trip to Augusta, Georgia for the Masters and much more. Oh, and expect to see some form of the word "lush" in just about every post.
Here's to one more try at this before I give up.....
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